More room to Thee
Week Four: Learning and growing
Dear Saints, Families, and Friends,
How is everyone doing this week? There’s been a big temperature drop here in London, so I hope you’re all keeping warm and staying healthy!
Enjoyment from Classes (Week 2)
In the second week of our classes on the experience of Christ as life, we revisited the matter of disposition and character. It was a good reinforcement—repetition truly deepens understanding. Why do we need to deal with our disposition? Although our disposition isn’t directly related to sin, when it’s expressed with harmful intent, it becomes sin. Even though our disposition is made by God, it still needs to be dealt with by Him. I was reminded again that if we live in our natural man, we can actually be against God’s economy, as Satan is mixed with our fallen disposition. If many saints remain quiet, how can we prophesy and build up the church? I often get frustrated with my own situation and wish I could just get rid of my disposition, but the Lord wants to deal with it—resurrect, uplift, enrich, and use it.
“And looking upon them, Jesus said to them, ‘With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” (Matthew 19:26)
Once again, I see that the principle of God’s work in men is incarnation. God’s operation requires man’s cooperation. That means we love Him and choose to work with Him. We need to let Him deal with our disposition and build our character through our daily living. It’s never too late for the Lord to start His work of breaking down and building up in us! We can cooperate with Him by practicing—by praying and conversing with Him in all things, big or small. Lord, save us more today through Your life!
Experience from Gospel Time
On Friday, we went out to Cambridge for gospel preaching as usual. Some of the international students at Anglia Ruskin University (ARU) are starting to arrive this week, and we set up our marquee and Bible table outside the university. It was such a sweet time with the local saints and families! A few of the students had just arrived, and many were open to us.
However, I want to share something real with you all. Preaching the gospel is still very hard for me; it’s so against my disposition, and I’m frustrated by not having a breakthrough. The sisters on our team started praying for the gospel the night before, and we continued to pray on our way there, but I was still nervous. We began with three people and three boxes of Bibles, and I felt like someone who doesn’t know how to swim but had been thrown into the water. Thankfully, the local saints and families soon arrived to support us, and their presence saved me from that sinking feeling inside. After some singing, I was able to join my gospel partner in handing out Bibles and tracts, but as soon as I began speaking to people, I was exposed—I realized how little life and constitution I had within me. I had heard others say that gospel preaching exposes where we are in the Lord, and I experienced that firsthand. I felt I had so little to give.
Often, I wasn’t sure what people were trying to communicate or when to stop or advance a conversation. I also realized how opinionated I was. When I saw someone, I’d immediately form an opinion about whether they’d be open or not, and I hesitated to approach them. But my gospel partner would speak to them, and more often than not, they were much more open than I expected! After missing several opportunities, I felt totally defeated, even though we met a few seeking Christians who expressed interest in meeting with us. I dwelled on my emotions and couldn’t shake the feeling of failure. After the gospel time, I couldn’t maintain my joy in the Lord.
However, once we sat down at a coffee shop and shared our experiences, I was encouraged by the mutual fellowship with the sisters. God wants us to be real and honest with Him. It’s okay to tell Him in the moment, “Lord, I’m so nervous, and I just don’t want to be here. Help me,” rather than trying to struggle through it in our natural strength. We simply need to open ourselves up a little to Him, and He will come in to be our strength, supply, and everything we need. We should never think we have too little life or that we’re not qualified to share. The Lord has made us sufficient.
“Not that we are sufficient of ourselves to account anything as from ourselves, but our sufficiency is from God, who has also made us sufficient as ministers of a new covenant, not of the letter but of the Spirit, for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.” (2 Corinthians 3:5-6)
The more we feel insufficient, the more we should speak, and the more we speak, the more supply of grace we receive. We grow in Him by speaking, and speaking gives the Lord more room to grow in us. We often think we can only absorb and store up what we’ve enjoyed for ourselves, but God’s economy is different—His way is better. He intends that the more we speak, the more life and growth we’ll have. Like a water hose, only when water flows out can more water come in.
“The blessing soul will prosper, and he who waters will also be watered himself.” (Proverbs 11:25)
We are all learning to cooperate with Him, and we do so by practicing. It’s okay to make mistakes, as long as we learn from them. Thank You, Lord, for this precious experience!
Open House Day
We had our annual Open House Day on Saturday, and the weather was unexpectedly lovely. I was so glad to see many locals and people interested in the history of Bower House come to visit. We were able to greet them and show them around in a normal and human way. At the end of the day, many left notes saying they had a great time and enjoyed the tour and experience. One man, in particular, was very appreciative and expressed how knowing we are all Christians studying the Bible, yet not imposing anything on him, made him feel this place was different from anywhere else he’d visited. Praise the Lord for all the people who came! Their response was more than we had asked or expected. May they sense something of Christ in us as they leave, and may their hearts be touched.
Much learning and growing in Him,
Xinyi
